Valhalla Here I come!

 
Via Tim Blair, the following breaking stories:

• Barak Obama Named Mr. Universe 2010
• Pope Benedict crowns Obama "Holy Roman Emperor"
• White Smoke over Vatican, Cardinals Elect Obama as Pope
• Obama wins Comrade of the Year Award
• Obama's likeness to be carved into Mount Rushmore
• Obama Declared Winner of 2000 Florida Recount
• Obama Named Most Interesting Man in the World
• Obama beats JIM THOMPSON at Balloon sit/egg carry race
• Barack Obama wins Top Chef Las Vegas, awarded FOUR Michelin Stars
• Obama wins $10 Million Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.
• Obama named the NEW James Bond Will become agent Double-O-Bama
• Obama wins "Dancing with the Stars"
• Obama walks on water.Obama has just walked across Lake Michigan
• Obama wins 2009 AKC "Best of Show"
• Obama challenges Kobayashi to hot dog eating contest
• Obama cures cancer and diabetes
• Obama nominated for 5 Academy Awards
• Obama declared Master of Time, Space and Dimension
• Obama wins Heisman Trophy
• Obama won the Nigerian Lottery
• Obama named The Fifth Element
• NHL cancels season awards Stanley Cup to Obama
• Obama wins "Survivor" reality show
• Obama wins proctology award
• Obama canonized as a "Saint" in Rome
• Obama named employee of the month at a Wendy’s in Reston, VA.
• Obama takes pole for this Sunday’s Pepsi 500 at California Speedway
• Obama named Time's Man of the Century
• Obama inducted into Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
• Obama wins Iditarod
• Obama Wins 2010 NBA Dunk Contest
• Obama receives Cong. Medal of Honor
• Obama wins Ms. California title
• Obama Named Miss Hooters 2010
• Kim Jong Il Resigns, Names Obama New Leader of North Korea
• Obama wins Medium Coke with McDonald’s Scratcher
• Obama wins National Spelling Bee
• Obama wins 2010 Soap box Derby
• Obama beats Tiger in playoff at Masters
• Obama wins the Tour de France by 12 hours
• Obama gets patent for inventing perpetual motion machine
• Obama finds Lost Tribes of Israel
• Obama scores eighteen consecutive hole-in-ones
• Obama named Sears Preferred Customer
• Obama finds Nicole Brown Simpson's REAL killer
• Obama has stopped plate tectonics,no more earthquakes
• Obama Finds the Arc of the Covenant
• Obama signed the Declaration of Independence today, making it official
• Obama is McDonalds 787 billion customer
• Obama's Face Found on Mars
• Pope re-painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel with face of Obama
• Obama did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night and parted the red sea this morning
• Obama to Star in 'Casablanca' Remake
• Washington, DC Renamed Obama, District of Barack
• Carla Bruni Leaves Sarkozy for Obama
• Baseball Commissioner awards Series to Obama due to his "intention to win"
• Obama re-invents the wheel
• Pillsbury Bake-Off prize goes to Obama
• Obama finds Waldo
• Obama Turns The Water Into Wine
• Obama Replaces Lennon and Harrison, Reunites the Beatles
• Obama successfully negotiates with the Japanese for the release of 112 year old Amelia Earhart
• Obama Reverses Kudzu Growth
• Obama Awarded with Grand Marshall of the Black Angus Cattle Day Parade
• Man Healed By Touching Hem Of Obama's Robe
• Obama get's his Red Rider BB gun
• Obama catches Roadrunner
• Obama invents car engine that runs on static electricity
• Obama prevents tooth decay in children
• Obama NO LONGER SUCCEPTIBLE TO KRYPTONITE
• World's Muslims Reject Mohammed, Anoint Obama
• Obama was named to replace the Holy Spirit in the Christian Trinity today in ceremonies in Oslo
• Obama Named CEO of Campbell Soups - Mmmm Mmmm Good
• Obama wins PBA Championsip. Bowls a high score of 37
• Obama's Image Cleary Visible on Shroud of Turin
• Obama swims the english channel... LENGTHWISE
• Obama to be new Jack Bauer on '24'
• Obama named Motor Trend's Car of the Year
• Obama to Play Dirk Diggler in Remake of Boogie Nights
• Culinary Institute of America gives Obama a National Medal for Whirled Peas
• Obama Wins Order of Lenin Medal
• Obama wins "Most Well Endowed" by "Hineyboy Magazine"
• Obama Wins Oscar For "Best Actor In A Completely Fictional, Made-Up Story and Role"
• Obama Wins 2010 NBA Dunk Contest
• Obama birth certificate "conspiracy" solved Roswell
• Obama beats Chuck Norris in cage match
• Obama accepts Global warming institute top award for Presidental farts that don't contribute CO2
• Obama gets Mirror and Glass Institute award for covering every wall of the White House in mirrors
• Obama's Nobel acceptance speech wins Nobel Prize for Literature
• Obama channels Jerry Garcia..Grateful Dead plans comeback tour